That title was really more than me than it was for you. One day, when I'm 85 and silently (because of my lack of teeth) regretting all the personal things I shared on the interwebs, I'll look back and remember this time in my life.
A time when Leo wins his first Oscar and I have planter fiatious... or something like that.
A time when my bank account bounces back and forth between a small amount and an even smaller amount and I sleep in a borrowed bed with borrowed sheets in a home someone else owns.
A time when I have to wear podiatrist prescribed orthotic supports (fancy shoe inserts) and don't remember the last time I straightened my hair and put on make-up that wasn't more than six months old.
A time when I lose the back of my earring at a bar and replace it with a piece of popcorn.
A time when I spend every single solitary day on the brink of holding it all together and letting it all fall apart.
There's lots of crying and wine(ing) during this time.
Turning 26 meant the turning of a new leaf for me. As a New Year's Baby who was coming hot off the worst year of my life, I was SO BEYOND ready for a much needed fresh start. And now, three months into it, that fresh start/positive energy has all but worn off.
I find myself in a constant whirlwind of dying to have it all figured out and totally accepting that I don't have it all figured out. I convince myself that those who seem to have it all figured out either just really do have their life on fleek or they should be cast in The Revenant 2.
I'm a college graduate juggling two part-time jobs six days a week.
I'm behind on more bills than I can count and have no end in sight to this cycyle.
I'm unhappily and uncontently single and desperate for a relationship that I honestly don't even think I'm ready for.
And it's okay.
I know it's okay. Or at least that it will be. But the back and forth and the constant feeling of being unsettled certainly takes a toll on this young/not-so-young-anymore head..and heart.
I'm in this awkward middle ground where there's so many things I can still get away with and so many things I can no longer get away with.
The other night I went out with some new coworkers, both of whom were in their early 20's. I stayed out with them until bar close (something I can barely get away with) but made the concious decision early in the night to stick with one sort of drink and to drink lots of water inbetween (#actingmyage meets #adulting meets #responsible). And I felt so old at first.
And then I was like 'NUH UH' and 'WHO CARES' and 'NO FUCKS GIVEN'.
You see, I don't have it all figured out. And pretending that that doesn't bother me would only be a huge lie and an even huger waste of my time and yours. But even though it gets me down and out from time to time, I try to stay positive about this particular time in my life.
A time when I get to meet new people and try new things.
A time when I get to go out and party if I want or stay in and watch Fuller House.
A time when I get to treat each day like a new adventure and eagerly await the better things that lie ahead.
You have to be where you are in order to get to where you're going and sometimes I need to calm this dreamin' gypsyin' roamin' soul the fuck down and just simply...be.
The tiny house, the traveling, the album, the book and the soon to follow Lifetime movie will all come in due time.
But for now, I just need to finish each day and be done with it. Accept it with gratitude, enjoy it with grace and keep pushing forward with the goodness that this whole entire world has to offer.
Namaste biotches.